Antonia’s reverie: Part I

ZOOT: In your own words, how would you define Ivvi Romão. What is the essence of who you are as an individual and artist?

Ivvi Romão: How do I describe myself? Ivvi is the desire to be, the desire to create. It’s boldness, curiosity, the yearning to live, to be alive, to be in motion. Ivvi is movement, you know? Like traffic, like chaos, but at the same time, tranquility, the certainty of what it’s doing. It’s perfectionism because I am a perfectionist. I dislike making missteps; I prefer to go very slowly but always with quality. But I’m always in motion and constantly dreaming. That’s how I would describe myself.

ZOOT: Looking back at your childhood in Maceió, Brazil, were there any specific moments or experiences that you feel shaped your passion for the arts?

Ivvi: Well, I grew up in a very artistic household, even though they didn’t pursue artistic careers professionally, art was around in many different ways. So, since I was little, I was exposed to theater, dance, singing and music. However, it became so normal and natural for me that I thought, “This is what I want to do with my life. I want to express myself through my art, whether it’s singing, dancing, or acting.” That’s who I am, that’s what I breathe. So, naturally as a child, I was already drawn towards this niche of the arts and show business.

ZOOT: As a multi-artist from the Brazilian state of Alagoas, a place so rich in culture, how has your background and cultural heritage influenced your artistic expression?

Ivvi: That’s a great question, actually, because I left Maceió at a very young age. Yes, I left Maceió when I was four years old. In fact, you wouldn’t even know that I’m from Maceió if you were talking to me today. I do have many memories of things when I lived there, but unfortunately, they didn’t have such a strong impact on me.

So, I bring some things with me. For example, I’m currently recording an album, and I incorporate some local Northeast [Brazilian] beats, you know? Blended a bit with electronic music and such, but it’s not something that unfortunately resonates so strongly within me. Since I left Maceió at a young age and I’ve traveled extensively throughout Brazil, I have influences from many places, but there isn’t one that dominates.

ZOOT: Could you share your experience in exploring different artistic mediums, such as fashion, cinema, theater and recently, music? How has this allowed you to reinvent yourself as an artist?

Ivvi: I am reinventing myself as an artist every day. As an artist, I don’t limit myself, and I don’t fall into the arrogance of saying, “Oh, I’m just a dancer, I’m just a singer”, “I’m just an actress”, “I’m just a model”. No. As an artist, I am a communicator. I have a need to convey a message, to touch people, to exchange with others, and through my art, I accomplish that, whatever form it may take. Whether it’s singing, dancing or whatever it may be—as long as I am communicating, connecting and conveying a message.

I embrace the new, the curious, and what is innovative. For example, I have been singing for many years, but only now am I going to record an EP because I felt the need to create something that communicates through music, which has a profound impact on us. So, I am always in this discovery of what I can do now, what I haven’t done yet.

I don’t like to limit myself by stating what I want to do. Instead, I prefer to think about what I don’t want to do. By being clear about what I don’t want to do, the possibilities of what I can do become infinite. If I set something specific, “Oh, I want to do this,” I have already restricted myself. Therefore, I prefer to focus on what I don’t enjoy doing.

ZOOT: If you feel comfortable, would you like to share about your personal journey of self-discovery and embracing your true identity?

Ivvi: Where I come from, we didn’t talk much about these matters. And in life, to understand something, you need knowledge. You need guidance, someone to show you the ropes. I didn’t have that. It’s like math: you won’t know how to solve any problems if you haven’t been taught.

I tried to fit in so that I could belong to something, you know? The fear of exclusion drives us to do absurd things. And that’s so dangerous. So, I said to myself, “No, I can’t live at the mercy of others. I can’t live according to the expectations that others have of me. I can’t let others define the limits of who I can be. I am so much more. I am so vast, so powerful. Why am I subjecting myself to live inside a box for others? If others can’t see what I see in myself, that’s their problem. But I need to celebrate who I am.”

That’s when I started my journey to be true to myself, to rediscover my own essence. Where I come from, when this realization dawned on me, I didn’t even know what a transgender woman was. So today, I can confidently say, “No, I am a transgender woman, a transvestite, because that’s who I am, and it doesn’t diminish me in any way. It doesn’t make me incapable or anything like that”. On the contrary. It’s tough, but it takes time to fully embrace and understand oneself.

ZOOT: Embracing your true identity as a transgender woman can be a transformative and empowering journey. How has this journey influenced your perception and practice of self-care? Can you share with us a bit about your personal beauty routine?

Ivvi: I’ve always been a very vain woman, very conscious of my appearance. It’s funny, actually, because I was raised in a household where I was taught to be a “lady”. In conversations I have with my mother nowadays, she often says, “Out of all the children I had with your father, you were the one who had the most distinct upbringing”. While my siblings were playing games like shuttlecock, I was at home with my mother learning how to do cross-stitch, learning how to cook, learning how to take care of the house and myself. My mother is an extremely elegant woman. Not a hair is out of place; she is a true lady. So, the importance of personal care and image was always present in my upbringing. I’ve always worked with image. I’ve always been very vain. Even before my transition began, I remember being a little girl and saying, “Mom, we need to apply lotion, put on perfume, take care of our hair, always brush our teeth”.

Of course, after my transition and having the freedom to dive into this universe that I love, many things changed. Now I’m always attentive to what I wear, what I use, always taking care of my face, my hair. I enjoy living like a princess, truly. But, of course, on a personal level, it’s a constant battle because there are insecurities and dysphoria. Going through a transition process deeply affects our lives, particularly our physical image. Before, I would leave a place that made me uncomfortable and head towards a destination that I didn’t even know where it was because I never had a clear ideal in mind. Until I realized that I was my own ideal, that I didn’t have to seek validation from others.

Ivvi: (continued from above) Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I think, “Oh, poor thing”. But there are days when I say, “I am the most beautiful woman in the world”. It’s a process of self-acceptance, self-discovery, self-care and allowing myself to have those days when it’s okay if I don’t feel as beautiful. It’s about figuring out what I need to do to feel good about myself and find my beauty on that particular day.

I love this aspect of beauty because, to me, beauty is—Is it cliché to say this? It might be. It’s a bit cheesy—But beauty is truly a subjective concept. I grew up in a home where diversity was celebrated, where being different was considered beautiful. My mother is Indigenous, and my father [has] very fair skin. So, growing up, I witnessed the unique beauty that emerged from their union. I am grateful to my mother for instilling in me the belief that beauty lies in embracing our differences.

To me, beauty is expressed in the way you smile, the way you look, the way you move your hair, the way you listen and tilt your head. Those are beautiful traits. Beauty, to me, lies in the small details that come together to form a whole.

ZOOT: You initially entered the fashion industry as a male model but eventually embraced your identity as a transgender woman. Can you describe the internal struggles and pivotal moments that led you to this realization?

Ivvi: Complicated. Very complicated for them, because, you know, I’m a Capricorn. So when I set a goal, if someone comes to me and says “no”, I say, “No”. If you say “no”, you have to give me the reasons and all the variations of those reasons. It’s not just a flat-out “no”. I won’t just accept a “no” without questioning it thoroughly. And that’s it.

I started my career as a male model, really. And I had a very successful career. But it wasn’t a career for me. It was a career for others. Again, that thing of [it being] for others, in the eyes of others, because others wanted it. And I was unhappy, I was feeling bad, it hurt me a lot, I was sick. And then there came a point when I said, “I can’t live like this anymore”. And then things got really close because I was living a double life, right? I would go to work, and I was that man, you know? I built a character. I did all this work of building a character of what it meant to be a man in society, what it meant to be a gay man, because that’s how they marketed me, you know? And then I learned how to behave, how to speak, how to gesture, like a man.

I had a part of my wardrobe that consisted of masculine clothes … That was for that person, that character I wanted to be and present. He had a uniform, and when I came home, it wasn’t me. I was Ivvi, I was this woman you see here now. So I lived a double life, but that started to eat away at me. And that’s when I decided, enough is enough. No, I need to be myself, I can’t keep living up to your expectations. Despite being a commodity, I am not just a commodity. I am also a human being, and I pursued my desires.

Ivvi: (continued from above) And then the pandemic came. Right at the beginning of the pandemic, all of that happened, and I said, “I’m going to take advantage of this time when everything is closing down, and I’m going to live my life”. I was already in the process of leaving the agency I was with precisely because of this reason, and then everything shut down. I was already taking hormones, my boobs were starting to grow, my hair was going through this process of change. I went to Brazil, had breast augmentation, had another surgery on my neck, and then I came back. When I came back, everyone wanted to know who this Ivvi was because I came back doing even more. Because you see, I heard that I would never be a woman. I heard that I would never make it in the fashion industry because there’s no space for people like me. That I was the kind of person who disgusted people for being who I am. So when I heard that, I said, “Oh, my dear, you don’t know me”.

So that gave me even more desire to do, to show that it’s possible, to create space not just for myself, but for everyone I represent. Because today, being who I am, taking up the space I’m in, is work for me, too. I work as an activist, I fight for this cause. It’s not just because I fight for someone, I fight for more than just myself, for someone else. I fight for myself because it’s who I am. It’s what I eat, it’s what I breathe, it’s what I live. So, I lost many contracts, I left agencies. The more I didn’t receive them, the more I said, this is the path it has to be. Here, I have to fight, insist until I make a difference, not for them, but for myself and for all those I represent. And then I came back. When I came back, I did Marques Almeida, I did Vogue, I did a lot of things because everyone was really asking, “Who is this Ivvi?” And it was very funny because I actually have a documentary project called “Who is Ivvi?” because this buzz started in the city. It was “Ivvi? Who is Ivvi? Who is this Ivvi?”

ZOOT: With your unique perspective and experience, how do you envision the future of the fashion and arts industry in terms of embracing diversity and breaking traditional norms? Are there any specific changes or advancements that you would like to see?

Ivvi: I have an ex-boyfriend, marvelous. Marvelous. He works with transformative art. He is someone from whom I’ve learned a lot. He’s a person that I love and will love for the rest of my life. And he has taught me many things, and one of the things he taught me is this, which I will carry with me literally for the rest of my life: whenever we have a glass of water, it’s not full, it’s halfway, and you can either see the glass as half empty or half full. I always see it as more empty because there’s always room to add more. There’s always space to do more, to create more, to do whatever it may be. If I consider it more full, I’m limiting myself to what’s left, and I don’t want what’s left. I always want more. So, within the fashion industry, I see it the same way: the glass is always more empty. There’s still so much to do, so much to change. And it’s not being ungrateful by saying that what has been done isn’t valid. What has been done is valid. But for me, it’s not enough. There’s still so much more to be done.

I don’t want to be there in a job just because I’m a trans model. I want to be there in that job because I’m a good model. Because I’m a professional. Because I’m committed, whatever it may be. Not just because I’m a trans model. And nowadays, there’s more openness, but I still see it leaning towards sensationalism, towards the thing, rather than authenticity. And I believe that, yes, there is a lot to evolve, to change, to make a difference within the market. But like I said, I prefer it to be slow, but with some change happening, rather than being stagnant (not moving forward or backward, where nothing changes). Yes. Now, even if the change has been small, it has happened. And that little bit is already hope, already a light at the end of the tunnel. It may still be small, but as we walk towards the end of the tunnel, the light grows until it encompasses all the brightness. That’s where we have to go.

ZOOT: You are clearly dedicated to fighting prejudice and promoting visibility for transgender individuals and LGBTQIA+ rights. What are your future plans and aspirations in this realm? Do you envision continuing to make a difference and create meaningful change?

Ivvi: Absolutely, because nobody gets to where they are alone. I didn’t get to where I am by myself. Nowadays, if I’m where I am, it’s because many people were with me, many people supported me, and it’s for these people, for whom I fight, for whom I do what I do. These people need a voice. And now, I have it, right? I’m far from where I would like to be, but I’m on the path, I’m working towards it. I have more visibility, I have more voice, I have more—you know? Do you think I’m going to turn my back on those who once gave me something to eat, who extended a helping hand, who provided me with a roof to sleep under? It’s for these people that I fight. It’s with these people that I strive to grow. So, of course, I will continue to do all my work as an activist: creating space, giving voice, providing opportunities, offering support. Because these are people, and they are talented. I find it highly unfair that they are invalidated for being who they are, for being brave enough to show the world who they truly are. And if it depends on me and the people by my side, we all go together. Where one goes, we all go.

My mother always taught me, where one person eats, two eat, where two eat, three eat. We never deny water or bread. I will not turn my back on those who once helped me, you know? And I have to be true to myself. I can’t betray my product, and my product is me. I am my product, I can’t betray myself, I can’t betray where I come from. So, I will never stop trying to do what I do today, which is to help, to give voice… I will always continue doing that as a model, wherever I am and whenever I am. I will always fight for others to be there too because I didn’t get to where I am today alone.

ZOOT: Can you share with us any exciting projects or endeavors that you have in the pipeline? What can we look forward to from you?

Ivvi: I have a few things coming up. Firstly, there’s a short film directed by Maria Clara Escobar, a Brazilian director, where I play the lead character. The film is called “Marra,” and it will be released soon. I’m also recording an EP as part of a project with Laércio, an incredible music producer. He’s been fully invested in this project with me, providing great support and guidance. It’s been a good experience because this area is new to me. I have experience in production and other aspects, but this is my first time exploring music in this way.

We’re also working on a documentary, but I can’t share many details due to contractual reasons. Just know that exciting things are happening. Soon, I’ll be traveling around the world. Currently, I’m represented by Central, an agency that has embraced me. The team has been very receptive, paying attention to me, and taking care of me not only as a product but also as a person. We have many plans for my modeling career and beyond. I was recently involved in a play in the second half of 2020, and we might go on tour with “The Three Sisters” directed by Tita Maravilha. Stay tuned for more updates!

ZOOT: How does it feel to be Antonia’s muse for this editorial? Can you describe the experience of being the inspiration behind the creative concept?

Ivvi: So, it’s always a privilege, right? I love it. Last year, I was also a muse for Máxima magazine, and it’s always good. For me, it’s a form of recognition for our work, and as I mentioned earlier, it’s also about continuing to create space and visibility for others. It’s about being a role model, someone that a girl can look at and say, “Wow, I see myself in her in some way”. I feel truly honored and very happy about the invitation. It’s a position that carries responsibility and maturity precisely because of what it represents. It’s not just about being another pretty face. It’s about everything that it signifies. So, it’s delightful, and I am genuinely thrilled.

ZOOT: Are there any particular artists or creatives who you have as your own muse? How have they inspired you?

Ivvi: My mother is my greatest muse. In fact, I was talking about this with her yesterday. We had a moment of mother and daughter connection. My mother is my ultimate muse, my greatest source of strength, resilience, elegance, and the embodiment of what it means to be a woman. Because being a man or a woman is all socially constructed. It’s all external influences that shape our identities. There are many aspects that define a woman or a man, even in their uniqueness, because you, as a woman, are completely different from me. And my mother possesses many qualities that I admire in the construction of womanhood. So, my mother is a true inspiration to me.

Now, if you want another muse, I can give you one: Marcella Virzi. Marcela is a talented Brazilian jewelry designer, and she is a muse to me. She is incredibly intelligent, dedicated and professional. As a Capricorn, I greatly admire those qualities. She is the kind of woman who knows how to navigate different environments with elegance. She is also a wonderful mother, and I love seeing how she cares for her child. She is an excellent host, and whenever you visit Marcela’s house, you will be treated with utmost kindness. Marcela is the friend you enjoy being around because there is never a lack of meaningful conversations. The topics she brings up make you think deeply. I appreciate people who make me think, and she definitely does that. It’s delightful and effortless to be in Marcela’s presence. So, Marcela is a significant muse for me, and she exudes an incredible level of elegance that you can’t even imagine.

Even if the change has been small, it has happened. And that little bit is already hope, already a light at the end of the tunnel. It may still be small, but as we walk towards the end of the tunnel, the light grows until it encompasses all the brightness. That’s where we have to go.

— Ivvi Romão